


Hustle & Heart

by righteousbros



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Football, Bottom Jared, Celebrities, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Makeup Sex, Past Relationship(s), Quarterback Jensen Ackles, Sports, Top Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:19:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/righteousbros/pseuds/righteousbros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is the star quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers and he lives and breathes the game of football.  Then at a charity signing event he runs into Jared, his former teammate and his former flame.  It's been years since they've spoken, but Jensen hasn't been able to let the feelings he has for Jared go.  To complicate matters, Jared is on the brink of a major decision that will change his life and the history of the sport forever.  Now Jensen has to decide if he has the courage to speak up and claim his chance at happiness too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to say a big thank you to my awesome beta Leslie (aka Exaggerated_Specificity) who I feel very blessed to call my friend. Love you bb! As always, I couldn't do it without you! And another huge thank you to my artist Nina (aka bflyw.livejournal.com) who was an absolute pleasure to work with. Thank you so much for your inspiration for this story and your support :)

“Who should I make this out to?”

Jensen glanced up at the middle-aged man standing in front of his table who was sweating through his Pittsburgh Steelers t-shirt.  He waited patiently for a response to the question he’d asked so many times that day that it had become automatic. 

“Um.  Just…”  The guy was smiling at him nervously and fidgeting with a copy of the event schedule.  “Just your signature is fine.”

Jensen nodded and quickly signed his name on the guy’s poster.  It was maybe the hundredth he’d seen that day of the same shot.  Himself, standing on the podium at the fifty yard line of Superbowl XL with the Vince Lombardi Trophy raised over his head.  It was his first Superbowl win, capping off his first season as starting quarterback for the Steelers.  In the shot, he was planting a kiss on the thing while confetti sailed down from the rafters all around him like snow.  It was a moment of pure, unadulterated joy. 

He tried not to look too closely at it now.  A snippet of his past captured and mass produced for strangers who think they knew something about him.  That guy in the picture was someone he didn’t even recognize anymore.

Jensen handed the man back his poster and plastered on a fake smile.  The fan stuttered through a thank you as he hurried away.  He looked just like all the rest waiting in the long line that was snaking its way along one side of the exhibition hall.  Mostly middle-aged men, some with their sons or bored-looking wives in tow.  All of them a decade or so of nachos and light beer past their prime.  Some of them might have played at one time or another.  Ex-high school stars, alumnae from Division II or Division III college teams that no one outside their regional conference had ever heard of, and the fantasy football fanatics that in Jensen’s opinion weren’t all that different from Trekkies except they got their kicks fangirling over Sportscenter instead of sci-fi. 

Jensen normally wouldn’t mind interacting with the fans.  He accepted it as part of the job a long time ago even though he still didn’t understand why anyone wanted to actually _talk_ to him.  What came out of his mouth really wasn’t worth a damn when it was all said and done.  It only mattered if he could play - or it should have been that way at least.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t really up to him.  As his agent, Mark, kept reminding him in his gravelly cockney accent, “Noblesse oblige, darling.  Got to keep the peasants happy.”

It’s just that on that particular day he was extremely preoccupied and would really rather have been just about anywhere else.  If the event wasn’t for charity he would have kept right on avoiding coming to New York City altogether but breast cancer research was one cause he could never say no to in deference to the memory of his mother.  Just a few more hours and he could sneak up to his hotel room, order room service, and hide there until checkout time the next day. 

Unlike the last stuttering fan, the next guy who approached his table was a bundle of energy who seemed to have no trouble speaking up.  The teenage kid with him was already rolling his eyes in embarrassment.  The man stuck his hand out for Jensen to shake and, by the way he was gripping it, Jensen wasn’t sure if he was going to give it back.

“So great to meet you, Jensen!  Can I call you Jensen?  I mean, I feel like I know you after all these years watching you play.  I’ve been a fan of yours since you were with the Raiders.”

Jensen gave him a tight smile.  “Thanks.  Yeah, those were some good times.” 

It was a bald-faced lie of course.  His four seasons in Oakland were a trial by fire thanks to a team that didn’t give a damn about what some unknown kid from Texas had to say on or off the field.  The obnoxious Bay Area fans hadn’t helped either.  To this day, every time he happened across a car with a bumper sticker that read “Raider Nation” he cringed a little and changed lanes.  The moment he was eligible to be a free agent he ran as far away as he could from that whole scene.  All the way to Pittsburgh.

“I’m a Steelers fan now of course,” the man proudly proclaimed, pointing to the black and yellow gold jersey he was wearing with Jensen’s number on the front.  “Isn’t that right, Tanner?  Steelers all the way!”

His son, Tanner, gave a silent non-committal shrug. 

Jensen couldn’t help but appreciate the kid’s utter disinterest in him after three hours of dealing with people who either wanted to kiss his ass or make themselves feel big by giving him unsolicited advice on exactly what he needed to be doing better.  He was feeling equally as disinterested in talking about himself in that moment as Tanner seemed to be in hearing about it.

“So, what can I sign for you guys?” Jensen prompted.  Hopefully he could move them along quickly for Tanner’s sake as well as his own.

Tanner’s dad pulled a Terrible Towel, a t-shirt, and a limited edition commemorative football out of the tote bag he had slung over one shoulder.  They were all playoff memorabilia from Superbowl XLIII.  Jensen really should have been over it by now, but he couldn’t help the little twist in his gut every time he saw that championship logo or how it reminded him of who he ended up “celebrating” with later that night.

“Hope this is all okay,” the guy said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.  “I noticed most people only brought like one thing but I just couldn’t decide, you know?”

Jensen fixed the smile back on his face from where it had faltered a little and uncapped a fresh Sharpie to start signing.  “Not a problem.”

“Thanks, man!  That was probably the Steeler’s best Superbowl performance in the history of the team.  I’ve never seen an offense more in sync in my life!  It was like scary good.  Every pass you threw hit ‘em right between the numbers.  You were on fire!”

Jensen could almost see the final touchdown of that game in his head like it was on instant replay.  Each second of the timeclock drawn out in slow motion as the ball was caught and cradled against that familiar big number ten jersey. 

“Thank you,” Jensen said, mumbling it a little.  His mind was momentarily stuck, distracted by the memories.  He finished signing one item and moved on to the next.  “Those guys…they’d make anyone look good.”

“Hey Dad, check it out.  It’s that guy you were talking about.”

Jensen glanced up at Tanner who was pointing across the exhibition hall towards the main doors.

Tanner’s dad looked over and his jaw dropped comically wide.  “Holy shit!  I didn’t know he was going to be here.”  He turned to his kid and nudged him with his elbow, “Go save me a spot in his line so I can get him to sign this stuff next.”

Curiosity had Jensen rising a bit out of his seat and turning towards the door to see who they were talking about even though there was an anxious stutter-start in this chest that clued him in on who it might be.  When Jensen spotted him, he felt a bright hot flash of all those old feelings surging up from where he had buried them years ago.  It felt as natural as muscle memory.   His heart simply refused to remember that he wasn’t really allowed to have them anymore.

Jensen looked him up and down, making note of how he’d changed.  His hair was longer and he looked thinner than he did before.  Some of that former weight-room bulk had been trimmed down to lean muscle, but there was no mistaking that profile even under the light shadow of scruff he was sporting along his jaw.

“Jared Padalecki.”

Jensen turned back to the fan in front of him who said Jared’s name with a distinct tone of awe.  He was staring at Jared who was shaking hands with the event coordinator.  Jared sat down at his own signing table where a decent-sized queue had formed.  Tanner was already making his way over to it.

“Ah…yeah,” Jensen muttered, taking his seat again and hurriedly signing the rest of the guy’s stuff.  “That’s him.”

“Wow.  This is so awesome!  Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki in the same day.  You guys were like the one of the best QB/receiver combos of all time.  Did you know he was going to be here?” the man asked him.  As soon as it was out of his mouth, he shook his head and hurriedly corrected himself.  “What am I saying?  I’m sure you guys talk all the time, right?  You’re like best friends.”

“That was a long time ago,” Jensen said before he can stop himself.  “Don’t believe everything you read.”

He handed the signed memorabilia back to the man and signaled one of the event staff to let them know he needed a short break.  His palms were sweating and his heartbeat was going a mile a minute.  What he really needed was a stiff drink but he’d settle for a few minutes of peace and quiet away from the crowds so he could collect himself.

The folks in his line were making disgruntled noises as he walked away and the event staff scrambled to cover for him but he didn’t give a damn at that moment.  He found the nearest restroom in the hotel lobby and ducked in there for refuge.  It was all gleaming black marble and pristine stainless steel.  Most importantly, it was blissfully quiet.

Jensen went right to one of the sinks and splashed water on his face until the cold shock of it steadied him a little.  He stood with his arms braced wide on the counter in front of the long stretch of mirrors.  The water dripped down his chin and left spots on his shirt but he didn’t pay it any mind.  He was facing down his own reflection but the one he was seeing in his mind’s eye wasn’t the one in front of him. 

What he saw was a younger version of himself, right on the precipice of the one of the biggest turning points in his life and completely ignorant of everything that was about to come.  He remembered the moment with absolute clarity.  It was the day he first heard that name – Jared Padalecki.

 

Jensen buffed the smudges off of the mirror hanging in his locker with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and took a second to check himself out in the process.  Fairly satisfied with what he saw, he adjusted the threadbare brim of the baseball cap on his head and tossed his bag down on the locker room bench.  The heavy thud of his gear hitting the wood announced the start of another day, another season, another long, hard road towards glory.  The air around him was close with too much trapped body heat and a lingering humidity from the showers that never quite cleared.  It smelled like adrenaline sweat, Speedstick, and possibilities. 

Every July, the Pittsburgh Steelers returned to the old red brick stadium at Saint Vincent College for training camp to undo whatever damage the offseason had done and to transform an ever fluctuating roster of fifty-three individual men into one well oiled machine. 

Jensen had been looking forward to it for weeks.  This was his home.  This was his kingdom.  This was the only place he felt completely himself.

He’s just one in an endless line of men that have devoted their lives to this game and he considers it a privilege to be counted among that brotherhood.  Football at its most basic level is war.  Us versus Them and Strength versus Weakness.  It is timeless, and it promises immortality to those who would sacrifice their bodies upon its altar.  Jensen had already given almost ten years of his adult life to it and he planned to keep on giving until they pried the pigskin from his cold dead hands. 

He was the first to arrive that morning which was par for the course for him.  As starting quarterback he considered himself the general in this man’s army and he took the weight of that responsibility seriously.  It wasn’t just about being able to throw the long bombs and signing autographs.  He had to set an example for his teammates which meant that he was always on time, well studied in all the ins and outs of their opponents, and never let himself slack off when he should be training.  He might not be the one who cut the checks, but at the end of the day the Steelers were his in ways that the suits up in the main office would never understand.

The first thing he did once he stowed his gear was to seek out the assistant head coach, Jim Beaver.  Jim was as surly as a longshoreman but he knew more about football than anyone Jensen had ever met.  He was sparing with his praise but there was something about that gruff exterior that made everyone work just that much harder to earn his respect.  He was the closest thing to a real father figure that Jensen had in his life anymore. 

Among a myriad of other responsibilities, Jim ran interference between Jensen and the head coach, Jeff Morgan.  Coach Morgan was something of a celebrity in his own right who came on board at the beginning of the previous year at the same time as their new General Manager, Eric Kripke.  In Jensen’s opinion, Morgan worried too much about what the press and what Kripke thought rather than what worked best for the team.  They’d butted heads more than once on that score which was why most of the time Jensen preferred to let Jim speak for him.

Jensen rapped his knuckles on the open door out of courtesy before walking in.  Jim looked like he’d already been there for some time if the stacks of paperwork lying around his desk were any indication.  He had a file on every player on their team, one for every starting quarterback in the league, and another couple dozen at least on the more promising free agents that management had their eyes on.  He had a file two inches thick on Jensen before they’d ever even met.

Jim looked up, gold-rimmed reading glasses perched on the end of his nose.  “Ackles.”

“You know,” Jensen said with a smirk, “They have these special boxes nowadays that store information electronically.  Personal computers.  Ever heard of them?”

“Kids today and their crazy fads,” Jim muttered.  It was an old joke of theirs.  Jim wasn’t changing his ways anytime soon and Jensen wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Jensen collapsed into his favorite chair in front of Jim’s desk and steepled his hands on his stomach.  “So, what’ve you heard about the roster?  That Abel kid do okay in minicamp?  You think he’s ready?” 

The young rookie was slotted to be his newest wide receiver, filling the spot of Roberto Vasquez who was seduced away to Miami by the warmer weather and a slightly fatter contract.  Good riddance as far as Jensen was concerned.  The guy had the ego of a diva without the skills to back it up.

“Abel’s coming along fine.  Needs to put on some weight maybe but the trainers are working with him.”  Jim took his glasses off and laid them on his desk.  “As you know, Olsson is retiring.” 

Jensen was well aware.  Ty had spent most of last season on the disabled list and a good chunk of the season before that playing hurt due to a torn knee that just seemed to keep getting reinjured.  At thirty-five years old, Ty Olsson was considered almost ancient for a running back.  He wasn’t the fastest guy for the job, but he was absolutely fearless when it came to blocking and he had an uncanny knack of finding the clear lane in a defensive line.  Sometimes anticipating a hole before it even opened up.  His talent for it was the only reason the Steelers had kept him on as long as they had. 

However as the season had progressed, Ty’s knee had become more and more of an issue.  Jensen had tried to cover for his friend as best he could, resorting to running the ball himself and letting Ty play more like a fullback, brushing off tackles and making a path for Jensen to shoot through with his superior speed.  By the end of the season, he was pretty much handling the entire backfield on his own because Ty was in no real condition to run and Jensen didn’t trust the backup guy enough to actually use him.  Now that Ty was retiring, Jensen was hoping that the team would get someone dependable to fill his shoes.

“Who are we getting to take his place?” Jensen asked.  “Not a rookie, please.  I need someone solid out there.”

“No,” Jim replied.  “Amell has been talking to our offensive coordinator and he wants to throw his hat in the ring.  He’s been training pretty hard and Cliff thinks he’s ready.”

Huh.  Stephen making the move from tight end to running back wasn’t the worst idea Jensen had ever heard.  The guy was strong, fast, and reliable.  They’ve always gotten along well so communication on the field shouldn’t be an issue.  Jensen was a little put off though that his teammate hadn’t at least called him to give him a head’s up on this development.  

“Sounds pretty good to me, I guess.  Stephen and I can make it work,” Jensen assured Jim.  “So wait, then we’re getting a new tight end instead?” 

“Well, actually we might stay in-house for that one too.  Morgan wants to move Brock over to tight end.  He’s more valuable to us for his muscle than for his speed.”

Jensen let out a nervous laugh, even though there was nothing really funny about it.  He knew that there would have to be some adjustments made but it was already sounding like more than he’d bargained for.  “What is this, musical chairs?  Who’s going to be my wide receiver?  The water boy?”

“Not exactly.”  Jim leaned forward on his elbows, rubbing the side of his beard-covered cheek.  It was an unconscious movement he did whenever he had to deliver Jensen some hard news.

Jensen tensed up right away at the familiar tell. 

“We got someone…but we didn’t hire a wide receiver,” Jim informed him.  “We hired a second tight end.”

The complete picture started to sink in and Jensen was livid.  He never expected the team to go and do such a big reorganization without at least getting a courtesy call from management about it first.  Probably too scared to tell him, those fuckers. 

“So what you’re saying is that Morgan is hopping on this goddamn “Max Protect” bandwagon.”  Jensen scowled in disgust.  “Or should I say Kripke is?”  Every time Kripke said jump Morgan was right there like his friggin lap dog doing pirouettes.

Jim didn’t flinch.  He was used to Jensen’s temper and he was as diplomatic as ever.  “That formation isn’t without its merits, son.  Otherwise more than half the NFL wouldn’t be using it now would they?”

“I don’t need any more babysitters,” Jensen grumbled.  “I need receivers in the end zone.  We played with one tight end position for the last four years and we’ve been doing just fine.  Why fix it if it ain’t broke?”

“Because you’re the Steeler’s marquee player, you moron,” Jim reminded him, rolling his eyes.  “You’re a goddamn franchise.  And I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you’re not getting any younger.  One or two more hard hits and you’ll be drooling into your Wheaties every morning.  Kripke and Morgan are just trying to protect their investment.”

Jensen knew exactly what he was talking about, and yeah maybe he got where they were coming from all things considered, but it didn’t do much to take the sting from his pride.  His postseason last year included a hard sack from the Arizona Cardinal’s free safety who also just happened to be Defensive Rookie of the Year.  The kid hit like a Mack truck and had nearly put Jensen’s lights out.  Even though Jensen ended up with his second Superbowl ring out of the exchange, he’d also racked up another head injury.  Flat on his back with half the stadium holding their breath and the other half praying for him to stay down, Jensen had lain there on the turf with stars exploding in front of his eyes.  He wasn’t ready to admit to anyone, including himself, how much that hit had really rattled him.

“I’m only thirty-one, Jim.” Jensen reminded him.  He was on the defensive and even though Jim wasn’t the one he was really mad at, he was the only target in sight.  “I’ve got at least another six or seven seasons in me before I’m put out to pasture.  You know as well as I do that all this bullshit is really just about Kripke trying to throw his weight around.  He’s got a hard-on for those celebrity QB types who smile pretty for the cameras and never get their hands dirty.  Well if that’s what y’all are trying to turn me into then you can just forget it!  I play blue-collar gridiron and I’m not going to apologize for it.”

Jim sent him a withering look.  “Boy, who do you think you’re talking to?  You think _I_ give a rat’s ass whether or not you end up on Access Hollywood? 

Jensen sighed and rubbed the side of his temple where he felt a headache starting to form.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean you.”

“Who cares what Kripke’s motives are if the end result is that it makes the _team_ better?”  Jim jabbed his index finger at the desktop in emphasis.  “I’m sorry to break this to you, but I happen to think that it will. 

“But-“

“More protection buys us more time for you in the pocket to find the open man,” Jim insisted.  “It also means that we’re actually going to have adequate coverage in the backfield for a change.  You have one of the highest percentages of rushing yards for your position in the whole goddamn league.  That needs to stop.”  Jim pointed his finger at him again in earnest.  “You don’t need to be putting yourself in jeopardy like that when we have the talent in our roster now to help shoulder the weight.  Despite what you seem to think, there’s no need for you to be doing everything yourself.  If you ask me, we should have done this a long time ago.”  Jim sat back in his chair and sighed.  “Look son, this is happening whether you like it or not so you may as well get on board.  You need to start thinking about yourself and your future for a change.  You’re not invincible.  You need to pull your head out of your ass and recognize that.”

Jensen clenched his teeth, feeling frustrated but at the same time somewhat humbled by Jim’s little rant.  It’s not that he didn’t appreciate the dangers of his job or that he’s some kind of masochist.  It’s just that he worked very hard with his squad to build a certain level of comfort and familiarity with those guys.  He wasn’t at all happy about the prospect of changing that dynamic so drastically.  On top of all that, Jensen hated the idea of anyone thinking that he _needed_ the extra protection that the formation was intended for.  His whole career, his whole life, he had to sacrifice things he didn’t like to think about just to ensure that no one ever viewed him as the weak link.  In his mind, the decision on the new formation insinuated exactly that.

The hard part was that Jim was right in his point that it was ultimately all out of Jensen’s hands.  The best thing for him to do was to suck it up for the team’s sake and make it work.  As much as it stuck in his craw to have to play along with Morgan and Kripke’s plans, he didn’t want to be accused of not being a team player.

Begrudgingly resigned, he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.  “Alright, I’ll bite.  Who’s the new tight end?”

Jim picked a file off of one of the stacks on his desk and handed it to him.  “Jared Padalecki.  Drafted by the Houston Texans out of UT four years ago as a half-back.  Their organization was still wet behind the ears back then and if you ask me they mismanaged him.  When they came in dead last at the end of that season they panicked and cut him.  The Titans picked him up for a couple of seasons as a wide receiver, then traded him to the Buccaneers as part of a larger deal.  Thankfully for us, the Bucs’ offensive coach took one look at him and figured out he was meant to be a tight end.  What they call a “Joker” tight end.  Basically a wide-receiver hybrid.  He’s been racking up some pretty impressive numbers for them.”

Jensen took a cursory look inside the file.  When he saw Padalecki’s stats he started to understand how the other teams got confused on how to use the guy.  He had plenty of strength but he also had more than his share of speed for a guy who was six foot four.  It’s a rare combination that made him hard to fit in one box.  The position of tight end was probably the most flexible one on the field and a perfect fit for a player like Padalecki who looked to be the complete package.

Still, Jensen wasn’t at all sold on the idea.  His sense of loyalty to his teammates was making him wary of introducing some up-and-coming hotshot into their midst that he didn’t think they needed anyway.

He closed the file and tossed it on the desk with a snort.  “This _Joker_ Padalecki better be the real deal.”

~~~

After Jensen left Jim’s office and changed into his practice gear he had been sidelined by a one teammate after another.  Slapping him on the back in greeting, eagerly offering stories about how they spent their offseason, and peppering him with questions about the new changes to the team.  Jensen dealt with them one by one, steering the conversation away from any grumblings about Coach Morgan.  It was one thing for him to feel the way he did about this whole mess and for him to talk about it with Jim, but he knew better than to show any of it in front of the other guys.  Undermining Morgan wasn’t just unproductive, it screwed with team unity and morale.  Not a good way to start the season.

On top of that, Stephen had come jogging after him in the tunnel on their way out to the field.  He had tried to explain why he hadn’t called to let Jensen know that he had been training for the running back position.  With Ty gone, he was probably Jensen’s closest friend on the team.  That fact alone is what made Jensen willing to hear the guy out even though he was plenty bitter about it.  Apparently the coaches had told Stephen that it would be better not to say anything to anyone, Jensen included, until the changes were official.  He seemed so contrite about the whole thing and so concerned with Jensen’s good opinion of him that Jensen didn’t have the heart to stay mad at him for long.

With all those distractions, Jensen didn’t get his first look at the new tight end until the team took the field and started going through the routine of their pre-workout stretches and calisthenics.  He wasn’t even really looking for him.  Didn’t have to.  The guy practically bowled him over as soon as Jensen was out of the tunnel.

“Hey!  You’re Jensen Ackles, right?  I’m Jared.  Jared Padalecki.  It’s great to finally meet you, man.”

Jensen squinted up at him as his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight.  Padalecki was as tall as advertised, but Jim’s file hadn’t included a picture so there was nothing to prepare him for the other man’s looks.  Shaggy chestnut brown hair and fox-like hazel eyes in shades of turquoise and honey that shouldn’t actually occur together.  He was built like a thoroughbred with a broad chest and lean muscular legs that went for miles.  Built for speed.  But that wasn’t the first thought that crashed through Jensen’s mind.  The first thought he had when he took in his new teammate’s stupidly handsome face and action hero body was that the good Lord must be fucking with him.  The guy might as well have “Temptation c/o Jensen Ackles” stamped on his forehead.  It just wasn’t fair.

When Jensen didn’t respond right away, Jared chattered on obliviously.  “I couldn’t believe it when my agent told me that I was going to get the chance to come here.  I’ve been following your career since your rookie year when you were drafted to Green Bay.  What was it like to play backup for Brett Favre?”

“Like winning the US Open one day and ending up as Tiger Woods’s caddy the next,” Jensen muttered. 

He was only half paying attention to what his new teammate had been saying because he was busy trying to figure out how to get away with his dignity still intact.  As it was, Jensen could barely stand to look directly at him.  Jared was unnervingly gorgeous.

The bright beam of Jared’s smile dimmed a little in confusion.  “Oh.  Yeah, I guess so.  I didn’t think about it like that.”  A second later though it was back again.  “Well, I’m looking forward to getting to play with you.”

Jensen saw the unabashed hero worship shining in Jared’s eyes and it was the final goddamn straw.  This was the last thing he needed.  He was already wary of this Padalecki kid just on principle but seeing him right there in the flesh - the picture of everything Jensen wanted but couldn’t have - made him hate the guy a little just for existing.

“Listen champ, you just pay attention to what the coaches and the trainers tell you, work hard, and when I throw you the ball you catch it and you hustle for the endzone like your hair’s on fire.  That’s all I want from you.  Got that?”

Jared blinked at him in bewilderment, unaware that he’d been declared guilty for a crime he hadn’t yet committed.  “Uh, yeah.  Yes, sir.  I got it.”

With a curt nod, Jensen sidestepped him and jogged off towards his men, leaving Jared behind.  He told himself he was just making the safe play but that didn’t stop him from feeling like a grade A asshole.


	2. Chapter 2

That might have been the end of the story right there if it hadn’t been for Bear and his penchant for strippers. 

Bear was Jensen’s left tackle and a mountain of a man by anyone’s estimation.  He was part Samoan, and by the look of him, quite possibly part grizzly bear - hence the nickname.  For his birthday that year Bear’s one demand had been for the whole offensive squad to join him at the nearest titty bar.  They were on the road in Detroit, Michigan, about six weeks into the season and they’d been on a winning streak so all the guys were in the mood to celebrate.  That night found Jensen nursing a beer at a private booth set in the back of the club while the rest of the guys whooped and hollered from a reserved table front and center up by the main stage.  He’d hung around with them for a while for Bear’s benefit, buying several rounds of shots for everyone and watching with feigned interest as the girls danced seductively for every dollar but he made a beeline for the secluded booth as soon as he figured that the guys were too busy “making it rain” to miss him.

The walls of Jensen’s booth formed a semi-circle around him, paneled in translucent plexiglass, and illuminated in neon blue light.  In their dim aqua-colored glow, he was occupying himself by sketching out a potential new play in X’s and O’s on a cocktail napkin when he sensed someone approaching.  He was getting ready to politely decline a lapdance for what felt like the tenth time that night when he looked up and saw Jared slide into the curved bench seat across from him.  He was wearing a black dress shirt, jeans, and a cocky smile.  The ends of his hair were sticking out from underneath a black knit beanie and he had two inches of pale gold tequila in the glass he was holding.

“Hey, man.  Why are you hiding back here?” he asked, his voice slightly raised over the steady throb of the club music.

They hadn’t spoken more than a few words to each other since that first day of spring training that didn’t have to do with football which was exactly how Jensen wanted it.  Jared had been playing well, listening attentively to everything that Jensen told him to do in their practice sessions, and putting himself wholeheartedly into every game.  He was always on time, didn’t stay out past the team’s curfew, and didn’t flash his money around like some of the other young players.  Jensen didn’t have one word of complaint against the guy which ultimately just seemed to irk him even more.  Did he really have to be so goddamn perfect?

“I’m not hiding,” Jensen grumbled.

“What?”  Jared scooted closer to him along the bench seat to hear him better.

“Not hiding,” Jensen repeated with an irritated tone.  He tossed his pen onto the table top, giving up on his sketch.  There was no way he was going to be able to concentrate with Jared there distracting him.  “It’s just not really my scene.”

Jared draped one arm over the back of his seat comfortably and took a sip of tequila, sucking a little breath through his teeth at the burn.  “Yeah, not really mine either.  I like a nice dive bar myself.  Little bit of country or some classic rock on the jukebox and a good game of darts.”

Jensen cocked an eyebrow at him.  “Really?”  He wasn’t sure whether Jared was just saying that in some attempt to impress him or if he was being genuine.

“Hell yeah.”  Jared set down his glass.  “Back in San Antonio I used to spend my summers washing dishes and helping out the bartenders in my uncle’s sports bar.  Probably my favorite place to be in the world back then.”

Jensen tried to picture it in his mind.  Jared as an awkward teenager, like a big overgrown pup with too long limbs and too big hands.  Wiping up tables and watching football on the sports bar’s TVs.  Dreaming of seeing his own name flash across the screen one day. 

Jensen smiled at the image despite himself.  It hadn’t been all that different for him as a kid growing up in Richardson where the two constants in life were church on Sunday and Monday Night Football.

He put aside all his intentions on icing Jared out for the moment, his curiosity winning him over.  “You get back to Texas often?”

“Whenever I have the time to I go to see my family.  My mom, my dad, and my little sister Megan are still in San Antonio but my older brother is a surgeon in Austin so I don’t get to see him as often as the rest,” Jared said a little wistfully.  “They come out to see me play when they can.”

“Mine’s pretty much the same, actually,” Jensen admitted after a few beats of surprisingly comfortable silence.  He didn’t often talk about his family or anything all that personal for that matter with his teammates but the fact that Jared didn’t press him for information made him actually want to share a little.  “I’ve got an older brother and a little sister too.  They’re both in Dallas.”  He didn’t mention his parents and was privately grateful when Jared seemed content not to pry.

They talked for a while about the music they both liked, their favorite movies, and the absolute inferiority of all BBQ outside of Texas.  Jensen couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so relaxed just hanging out with someone that for all intensive purposes he didn’t really know all that well.  The more he did get to know about Jared the more he realized that they actually had quite a lot in common.  They got on to the topic of tequila when Jared ordered another from the waitress and were happily swapping funny stories of the first time each of them had gotten drunk off of it when they were interrupted by a distinctly feminine voice.

“Hey guys.  Either of you want a dance?”

Jensen and Jared both looked up at the girl who was leaning seductively against the wall of their booth.  She was tall and thin with a cap of white-blonde hair and a small pixie-like face.  Unlike all the other girls that Jensen had seen that night she didn’t have surgically enhanced curves or really much in the way of curves at all.  The strips of black fabric that she was wearing could scarcely be called clothes.  They crisscrossed her body at angles that couldn’t have been possible if she had breasts that were any larger than a small palm-full.  It highlighted the boyish look of her figure, setting her apart from the other girls which Jensen belatedly realized must have been the whole point.

Before he could respond, Jared surprised him by clearing his throat and speaking up first.  “Yeah.  I’ll take one, sweetheart.”  The tone of his voice was pitched slightly lower than it had been just moments before which injected a sultry warmth to it that had Jensen shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

The girl smiled and moved to straddle Jared’s lap. 

Jensen was about to leave, to get up and go join the rest of the team so that the two of them could have a little privacy, when Jared leaned back and stretched both his arms out along the top of the booth seat.  His hand came to rest right behind Jensen’s head and the knuckle of his thumb ever so lightly grazed an exposed bit of Jensen’s neck right above his shirt collar. 

Jensen flinched involuntarily at the unexpected contact and then froze when Jared didn’t move his hand, instead keeping up just the barest touch against Jensen’s skin.  Jensen looked over at him, thinking the movement might gently alert Jared to what he was inadvertently doing.

The girl was already writhing and gyrating rhythmically in Jared’s lap along to the music, running her hands up and down her body.  Her eyes were half-lidded and her lips were slightly parted as she performed for him.  Then she leaned in and whispering to him breathily in his ear. 

Jared smiled up at her and thanked her for whatever compliment she must had paid him. 

Jensen couldn’t really hear what she’d said over the blaring music which was just as well because he was pretty sure whatever it was would be embarrassingly close to the thoughts that often crossed his own mind about the man.

Jared must have felt Jensen’s stare because he suddenly glanced over at Jensen and held his gaze for a long minute, that carelessly sexy smile never wavering in the slightest even though his eyes glittered darkly with a much sharper intensity.  He didn’t say a word, just poked the tip of his soft pink tongue between his teeth coyly.  Jensen got the message loud and clear.  _Come on and stay a while_.

Jensen swallowed hard.  He didn’t move and he didn’t look away even though part of his mind was viciously scolding him to do just that.  It felt like Jared had him pinned in place with his intentionally unintentional touch and the way he kept flicking his eyes between Jensen’s face and the girl on his lap.  It felt like some kind of test.  Some game that Jared was playing.  Jensen wasn’t about to back down even though inside he was reeling.  He’d accepted the fact that he was strongly attracted to his teammate.  Honestly, it wouldn’t be the first time.  But what he had never expected, what had never before experienced in his entire pro career, was for a teammate to subtly be letting him know that maybe he was interested too.  If the looks that Jared was giving him were to be believed, that was exactly what he was implying.

So Jensen silently complied with his unspoken request, staying put and watching the pale, nearly naked, and stunningly androgynous body moving wantonly over Jared’s.  He was close enough that he could almost feel the heat radiating off of them.  He felt like he was burning right along with them.

When the song was over the girl asked Jared if he’d like another. 

Jensen wasn’t sure what he wanted Jared’s response to be but the last thing he expected was for Jared to say, “Actually, I think my friend here deserves a turn.  What do you think?”  He directed his question to the stripper as if Jensen’s opinion on the matter was a foregone conclusion.

She gave him a wink and extracted herself from Jared so she could climb into Jensen’s lap next.

Jensen felt his pulse quicken, half-anxiety and half-excitement as the girl straddled his thighs with a well-practiced ease.  He hung around with a bunch of professional grade Neanderthals so it was far from the first lapdance that someone had tried to buy him.  But it was the first where he was actually aroused at the time, even though it had nothing to do with the dancer.  “Jared, I-“

“My treat,” he insisted.

Jensen felt a nearly imperceptible movement of the thumb against the back of his neck.  A light stroke that he could easily dismiss as meaningless if it weren’t for the way Jared was staring intently right at him as he did it.  And then did it again.

Ostensibly oblivious to what was crackling like electricity between her two customers, the girl started undulating to the music, working her body like the beat was a live pulse running through her veins.

Jensen could have stopped it right there.  Walked away from the situation and given Jared a wide berth just like he’d been doing all season up until that point.  He could have been a complete dick and called Jared out on what he was doing, shutting him down in no uncertain terms for his breach of the unwritten “bro code” when it came to proper lapdance etiquette.  Jensen wasn’t a hundred percent sure what the code actually entailed but he figured it had to be fairly close to Thou Shalt Not Eye-Fuck Another Dude While There Are Breasts In Your Face.  Or he could have sat through the lapdance and pretended he was into it like he normally did when one of teammates wouldn’t take no for an answer, playing dumb to the undercurrent of arousal that was flowing between them and basically ignoring Jared’s presence altogether. 

What he ended up doing, against his own better judgment, was up the ante.  He settled back against his seat and let the girl dance while he openly watched Jared watching him.  Seen from just a little too close and out of the corner of his eye, the lithe young body that hovered just an inch over his rapidly thickening dick could easily be mistaken as male.

He could almost see all the _dirtybadwrong_ images that flashed behind Jared’s lust-blown eyes.  All of them featuring him in the starring role.  Goosebumps rose from his skin in response.  He tipped his head back a little, gently pushing into Jared’s light touch.

Jared gave him a small satisfied smile.

Jensen knew then for certain that this intangible _something_ he felt happening between them was just getting started.

~~~

It was another three maddening weeks of casual touches that lingered too long and heated glances in the locker room before the tension building between them was too much for Jensen to bear any longer.  True to form, Jensen when finally did snap he decided to take the initiative and make the risky play himself.  He was done letting Jared toy with him, sending out all the right signals without making a move to do anything about it.  He knew he had to be smart about it so he bided his time, waiting until the next available moment when they were safely alone. 

They were all heading back to their respective hotel rooms after an away game in Denver when he finally got his opportunity.  When Stephen got off the elevator at his floor and the doors closed behind him, Jensen found himself alone in the small space with Jared.  The elevator was  suddenly suffocating with a heavy tension.  The weeks of pent up frustration boiled like acid in his blood.  Wasting no more time, Jensen whirled around and shoved hard at Jared’s shoulders, slamming him against the elevator wall. 

Jared let out grunt of surprise at the impact.

Jensen pressed in against the long hard body, feeling it for the first time even though he’d watched it run and leap and sweat for months just out of his reach. 

Jared didn’t push back or try to evade Jensen’s hold.  Instead, he braced himself with his wide palms griping Jensen’s biceps and just waited, breathing hard through his nose like a racehorse straining at the gate.

Barely an inch away from the lips he’d been fantasizing about for months Jensen had a moment of hesitation.

“What are we doing?” he whispered roughly, letting his eyes close as he grazed the tip of his nose alongside Jared’s.  It was a question that he’d been asking himself over and over again.

Jared slid his hands down to frame Jensen’s waist.  “I don’t know.”

It was honest and somehow more reassuring to know that they were at least both on the same page - in well over their heads but unwilling to stop now that they’d set this thing in motion.  Jensen responded by closing the final bit of distance between them, kissing Jared softly at first to gauge his reaction, then harder and deeper when he felt the vibration of the other man’s moan against his lips.

They broke apart quickly at the soft ping of the elevator just before the doors opened.  Luckily, there was no one in the empty hallway to see how flushed they both were and how Jared’s hair was mussed from the tangle of Jensen’s fingers. 

Jared’s room was left empty that night until the wee hours of the morning when Jensen felt the bed shift beneath him as Jared quietly left, sneaking back there to shower and get ready for the day.  From them on whenever they played an away game, one of the two hotel rooms that the team’s travel coordinator automatically booked for its star quarterback and it’s new tight end would remain untouched until about an hour before sunrise. 

On the field, they reached a level of cohesiveness and synchronicity that was almost supernatural.  As well as they played together before, their new and deeper connection with each other translated into an effortlessly fluid economy of movement in their style of play.  Jared anticipated Jensen’s next moves before they were even made and Jensen was able to sense where Jared was going to end up in the spread of the field just from the way his body pivoted and his muscles coiled at the snap of the football.  Their incredible teamwork was widely lauded as the greatest asset in the Steeler’s arsenal.  Week after week they dominated the opposition, driving hard and fast for the goal line from start to finish.  It was the one place where they didn’t have to hide how in tune they really were.

Off the field, their bond was much more complicated but no less intense.  They were extremely careful in public.  Jared liked to joke that they’d missed their calling as secret agents but that the NFL probably paid better than the CIA anyway.  Both of them knew the likely consequences of flouting their relationship in the face of a sport that had zero tolerance for that sort of thing and a rabid media environment that attacked at even the suggestion of a celebrity scandal like sharks on the scent of blood.  Jensen never made any promises and Jared never asked for any.  They relied on their instincts and the unspoken language between them as they nursed each other’s pains, celebrated each other’s triumphs, and offered the comfort that their bodies could provide.  If anyone suspected that there was something between them other than friendship no one breathed a word about it.

For almost three years they lived in their happy little bubble where only they existed and nothing else mattered outside of football and each other.  When the bubble finally burst Jensen knew it was his fault, even though up until pretty much the very moment the words were out of his mouth he hadn’t seen it coming at all.

~~~

They’d been having dinner at the apartment Jensen kept in Pittsburgh’s South Side when it had happened.  What started as a stupid argument over a TMZ story about Jensen being linked to actress Danneel Harris had snowballed out of control.  It had been an innocent dinner date with an old friend the week before when he happened to be in L.A. doing a photoshoot for a Nike ad.  The buzz surrounding them had actually started to gain some traction and Mark had insisted that Jensen continue to play along with it for the sake of his reputation.  “It’s getting hard to keep selling you as the NFL’s most eligible bachelor if people don’t see you with a pretty bird on your arm from time to time,” Mark had said to him.  “I talked to Danneel’s agent and she’s game if it means a little publicity for her next film.  I think you should run with this, boy-o.  If you don’t at least give it a shot I don’t know how much longer I can keep tongues from wagging in a direction I know you won’t like.”

Jensen had brought up the topic of Mark’s little scheme at dinner, hoping that Jared would understand.  He figured that it would be rough for a while but that they’d be alright since they both knew it was all a facade.  He’d seriously underestimated how upset Jared would be by the prospect of having to sit on the sidelines and watch while Jensen went out on the town with someone else. 

Jared flipped out on him. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?  How can you sit there and talk about this like it’s no big deal?  This is against everything you always keep railing against with Kripke.  Putting on a show for the press and turning our lives into some kind of goddamn farce.” 

“That’s not fair.  I’m not doing this for the fucking publicity!”

“Then why?” Jared demanded.  “After all these years why are you all of a sudden so worried about what those fucking gossip mongers think of you?”

“Don’t you get it?” Jensen shouted, at his wits end.  “It’s because I’ve been avoiding them for so long that they pounced on this story like goddamn vultures.  I thought I was playing it safe but all I was doing was making them more rabid for any little slip up that they could find on me.  Danneel is game to play along.  Who knows when I’ll get an opportunity like this again?  I can throw them this bone and then maybe they’ll leave me alone.”

“Yeah for how long?”  Jared shouted right back. “How long are we supposed to live like this?  As long as you’re in the spotlight they’re going to want a piece of you.  You tell yourself whatever you want to but it’s not going to make you any less of a hypocrite.  You’re playing right into their hands.  Everything you hate about that celebrity circus – this is just the kind of thing that keeps it all going.”

“What do you expect me to do?  I can’t keep risking them finding out about us.  If I don’t then I can kiss my career goodbye.  No sponsor will want to touch me and the team will never look at me the same way again.  I have to give them something to distract them with, Jay.  Don’t you see?  I’m doing this for both of us.” 

Jared’s mouth fell open for a moment in shock and outrage.  Then something in him seemed to shutdown and his expression became hard and cold.  “So how far are you going to take this exactly?  Just so I know.  Are you going to fuck her?  I mean, that would really throw the scent of gay off of you, wouldn’t it?  Release a sex tape and show the world how big of a man you are?”  His tone was bitingly sarcastic and it made Jensen’s blood boil.  “Well, when you’re whoring yourself out to TMZ I guess you can make yourself feel better thinking about your precious career.  But don’t you fucking dare say that this is for us!  That’s bullshit.  This is all about you”

Jensen felt blindsided and enraged, like all of a sudden Jared was changing the rules on him and forcing him to make an impossible decision.  How could he be expected to less this chance slip him by?  It wasn’t fair for Jared to be forcing him to decide between their relationship and keeping up appearances for the sake of his career.  Football had always come first for him.  It was the backbone of his whole identity.  He had to do whatever it took to make sure nothing would ever interfere with that. 

Backed into a corner, he defaulted to the fear in his gut and he lashed out. 

“Fuck you, Jay!  This is _my_ life.  I’ve been running it just fine all by myself long before you showed up.  I’m doing this because it’s what I have to do.  It’s so easy for you to sit back and judge me because it’s not your ass on the line.  Well if you don’t like it then there’s no reason for you to stay.”  It cost him more than he wanted to admit to himself to say it but he was so angry and so hurt by Jared’s words that he felt like he had no choice but to push back.  “It’s not like there’s anything to stick around here for is there?” Jensen fired at him with a sarcastic snarl.  “Nothing at all.”

Jared went silent and pale, then stormed out Jensen’s apartment without another word or even a backward glance. 

From that night on, the only time they saw each other was on the field, both of them too stubborn and too hardheaded to fold while they were still nursing their wounds.  A few weeks later when the season was over, Jensen had heard from Jim that Jared had asked to be traded.  What would be the Steeler’s loss would be the New York Jets’s gain.

Jensen went home that night and got through half a fifth of scotch before he threw bottle right into his flat screen TV.

By the time that the charity event was finally coming to a close for the day Jensen was a giant ball of nerves.  He could finally see the end of his line now that the event hall crowd was thinning out and he was already eyeing the nearest exit sign longingly.  He tried to keep himself from glancing over to Jared’s table and failed miserably. 

Jared looked like he was going to be ready to wrap up soon himself.  There were a couple of people who looked to be waiting on him to finish up.  Jensen recognized Jared’s agent, Richard, from the handful of times they’d actually met in person but he didn’t recognize the petite brunette to his left.  It wasn’t entirely out of the scope of possibility for her to be Jared’s girlfriend as much as the very thought of it started up a muscle tic in Jensen’s jaw.  As far as he knew Jared hadn’t been romantically linked with anyone in a public way since he’d dumped that little blonde tart who fancied herself a country singer over a year ago.  On the other hand, Jensen knew more than anyone that sometimes the stories that the entertainment news outlets reported were about a hundred and eighty degrees from the actual truth.

 Outside of televised football games, a few Gillette commercials, and a billboard campaign for the ASPCA that Jared had done, Jensen hadn’t seen him or heard from him since the night everything ended.  Now that he was in the same room with the man he couldn’t help wanting to at least go over to him and say hello.  Ask after his family who had once treated him like one of their own.  Congratulate him on his Superbowl win with the Jets, albeit a year late.  Really, he  would just be satisfied with getting Jared to look him in the eye one more time.

More than anything in the world Jensen wished he could go back in time to that last day and do everything differently.  He knew that ship had sailed, but it would be awfully nice to at least have his best friend back.

He rushed through his last few signings and headed towards Jared’s table.  There were only a handful of people left in his line and on the spur of the moment he decided to take his place at the end of it just like any other fan.  Luckily, the guy in front of him was built like a Barcalounger which shielded him from Jared’s view right until the last second. 

When the guy walked away with his signed trinkets in hand, Jensen emerged from behind him with a tentatively hopeful smile on his face.  “Hey Jay.”

Jared’s face fell into an expression of stunned shock.

Every second of silence between them ratcheted Jensen’s nervousness up a degree higher.  He didn’t know what to do with himself so he shoved his hands into his pockets.  The fingers of his right hand connected with something metal and he got what was probably a completely lame idea but went with it anyway.

He pulled out the metal disc, a bright pink breast cancer pin that the event staff had been handing out.  It proudly proclaimed, “Big or Small, Save Them All.”  He dropped it on the table in front of Jared with a small clink.  “I was, um…I was hoping you could autograph my pin here, Mr. Padalecki.”

It was so ridiculous that it seemed to stir Jared from his stupor.  “I-I didn’t think you’d be here.”

Jensen felt a flush of embarrassment.  It didn’t seem to be going nearly as well as he’d hoped.  “It’s the Steeler’s bye week.  Thought maybe I’d do some good with my time off.”  Maybe he should have left well enough alone and just gone back to his hotel.  “Well anyways, I just came over here to say hey.”  He retreated a few steps in the general direction of the main exit.  “Good luck against the Colts this weekend.”

“Hold up,” Jared said.  He turned towards his agent who was a few paces away talking animatedly into his Bluetooth.  “Richard!  Come over here for a sec.  You remember Jensen, right?”

Jensen couldn’t quite figure out what Jared meant by calling a halt to his retreat.  His poker face seemed to have improved by roughly tenfold since the last time they saw each other and there was no telling whether he was just trying to be polite or if he actually wanted Jensen to stay.

Richard touched a tiny button on his device to mute it momentarily and offered Jensen his hand.  “Good to see you again, stranger,” he said with a warm smile.  “Do me a favor and next time you talk to that smarmy bastard, Mark Sheppard, you remind him that he still owes me one for hooking you guys up with that Hanes deal.”

Jensen chuckled a bit despite himself.  “Oh, so you’re the one to blame for that.  I spent a whole day freezing my ass off on a sound stage in my skivvies for that damn endorsement.”

Richard clapped a hand on his shoulder.  “Yeah but you looked great doing it, my friend.”  He perked up suddenly at whatever he heard being said in his ear.  “I’m sorry, I gotta take this.”

“No problem.  See you around, Speight.” 

When Richard unmuted his Bluetooth and walked off to take care of business, Jensen turned back to Jared and saw him leaning down close to the brunette he’d noticed earlier, quietly discussing something with her that Jensen couldn’t quite make out. 

Jared looked up and caught Jensen’s eye.  He put a hand on the woman’s shoulder and guided her over to him for an introduction.  “Jensen, this is Genevieve.  Genevieve, I’d like you to meet Jensen Ackles.  He’s an old teammate of mine.”

So that’s why Jared had him stick around, Jensen thought to himself.  He never would have pegged Jared as the kind of guy to rub his new relationship in his ex’s face but then again who knows what might have changed about him after all the time that had past.  Jensen mustered what was left of his pride and put on a smile for her. 

“Nice to meet you.  You must be a real live saint to put up with this guy,” he joked.

Genevieve gave him a smirk.  “Well, it does help that he pays me to.”

Jensen blinked at her in confusion then darted his eyes over to Jared for some explanation.

“She’s my personal assistant,” Jared said, with an amused gleam in his eye now.  “The very best there is.”

“And worth every penny,” she tossed back confidently.  “Big day for you tomorrow,” she reminded Jared, “The car is coming to pick you up at 9am sharp so don’t be late.  And you.”  She turned back to Jensen with a stern look.  “I don’t wanna hear from the makeup girls at The View that Jared looks tired because you kept him up til all hours of the night.  Capiche?”

Jensen was so relieved that she wasn’t actually Jared’s girlfriend that he wanted to hug her but he was also mildly intimidated by the no-nonsense tone to her voice.  “Yes, ma’am.  I promise,” he told her, showing off the Texas manners his momma taught him.  “Cross my heart.”

Genevieve seemed satisfied enough with that.  She gathered up her things and took her leave.  Then there were no more buffers to stem the awkward tension between them.

Unsure of where he stood now with Jared, Jensen tried to keep it light.  “So, how is the family?”

A small smile, the first genuine one he’d seen on Jared’s face that day quirked up the corners of his mouth.  “They’re good.  Mom’s working on another book.  Dad’s planning on retiring sometime next year.  Jeff and his wife have another baby on the way, and Megan’s doing real well at the firm from what she tells me.”

“Great.  That’s just great,” Jensen said.  “Congratulations by the way.  I meant to give you a call last year but I figured you had enough on your plate.  I remember what a freaking circus it can be like after a Superbowl win.”

“Thanks.  Yeah it was pretty nuts for a few weeks there.”  Jared ducked his head a bit and looked down at the carpet, his smile fading into a grim line.  “It’s been two years, man.  Don’t tell me that in two years you couldn’t find a good time to call if you wanted to.”

Jensen could almost taste the bitterness of Jared’s tone in his mouth and he suddenly found the pattern of the carpet extremely interesting as well.  “I didn’t think you’d pick up.”

Jared shrugged but didn’t respond and Jensen figured that was just about what he deserved. 

“Listen,” Jensen finally sighed after a long awkward silence, “I should probably let you go.  I don’t want to keep you.  I’m sure you have somewhere you have to be.”

Jared looked up, his eyes flashing with tightly controlled anger.   “How is it that that seems so easy for you to do?”

“What?”

“Let me go.”

Jensen felt the sting of his words like a slap.  “It’s not,” he insisted roughly.  “It never was.”  He glanced around, remembering that they were in public and it was hardly the place for that conversation.  “Look, can we just…I want to talk about this but not here.  My hotel is right across the street.”

Jared looked away and bit the inside of his cheek, his expression a confusion of emotions that Jensen couldn’t decipher.

“Please,” Jensen said to him.  “I just want to talk.”

Jared’s eyes connected with his and for one heart-stopping moment Jensen was sure that he was going to just tell him to fuck off, but by some miracle he didn’t. 

“Lead the way,” he said simply.

And just like that, Jensen was granted the second chance that he thought he’d never have.  He decided right then and there that he wasn’t going to let himself waste it.


	3. Chapter 3

 

When they got back to Jensen’s hotel room it was just starting to get dark outside so Jensen flipped on the lights as he lead Jared through the door.  The suite was on the small side but what it lacked in size it makes up for in luxury.  The king-sized bed was downy soft with Egyptian cotton sheets and the bathroom featured a Jacuzzi tube where he’d intended on spending a good hour letting all the knots and strained muscles in his upper back and his throwing arm unwind a little.  Now with Jared there the room suddenly felt almost claustrophobic.

Jensen went right to the mini bar and pulled out a tiny bottle of Jameson.  He dumped the whole thing in a glass and took a gulp of it like was oxygen.

“Want a drink?  They got pretty much everything,” he offered.

“No, thanks.”  Jared took a seat in one of the armchairs by the window.  He looked almost as uneasy now that they were alone as Jensen was.

Taking the seat across from him, Jensen figured that he’d better be the one to start it off before Jared decided it wasn’t worth the trouble after all.

“I kinda can’t believe that you’re even here right now,” he admitted.  “I’ve thought a lot about what I would ever say to you if I had the chance.  To be honest, I don’t really know where to start.”

Jared tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear.  “Honest is good.”

Jensen bit his lip nervously and sat forward, bracing his elbows on his knees.  He hadn’t spoken of it to anyone but if there was one person who needed to hear it most it was Jared.

“My dad died about a year and a half ago,” he began.

“Jesus.”  Jared shifted towards him a little, genuine concern on his face.  “God.  Jen, I’m so sorry.”

Jensen waved him off.  The last thing he wanted was for Jared to pity him.  “No listen, it’s okay.  I mean, of course it’s not - but you know it’s not like we had the best relationship to begin with.  He didn’t even tell me he was sick.  He didn’t tell any of us.  I guess he didn’t want anyone to treat him like was an invalid.  Especially not after watching my mom and everything she went through with the chemotherapy.  And I kinda get that.  But the least he could have done was to tell his own kids.  I’m not sure Mack will ever forgive him for that.” 

At first Jensen had been afraid that his father’s death would create an even bigger distance between him and his siblings than the death of their mother had, but the opposite had happened.  Donna Ackles had been the glue holding their family together so when she passed they had drifted apart, in no small part due to their father’s bitter disapproval of his youngest son who in his eyes never lived up to his expectations.  It didn’t matter how many championship rings Jensen earned, his father knew what he was even though the word “gay” had never crossed his lips.  Unfortunately for Jensen he’d never been able to see past it.

With the unexpected shock of Alan’s death, the three of them had leaned on each other through their grief and gradually it ended up bringing them closer together than they’d ever been before.  Unlike their father, Mackenzie and Josh seemed to quietly accept him in their own way.  For the first time since he’d lost Jared, Jensen actually felt like he had people in his life who were there to support him.

“After he died, I did a lot of thinking,” Jensen continued.  “My dad was so dead-set against anyone seeing him as weak or asking for help that he cheated us out of being able to say goodbye to him one last time.  He cheated himself out of having someone there with him when he went.  And you know what?  As much as I hated him sometimes, I’m just like him,” he confessed with a rueful little smile.  “I was so self-righteous and so goddamn stubborn when you and I broke up.  I thought what I was doing was just self-preservation, but it was just plain ol’ lying.  Lying to the fans and to every poor sap who looks at people like us as role models.  There are plenty of other athletes who manage to live in the public eye, make a good career for themselves, and never throw shit from their private lives into the mix.  That’s all I ever wanted and it’s exactly the opposite of what I ended up doing.  I fucked it all up, trying to overcompensate for not being what everyone wants me to be.” 

He looked into Jared’s eyes, begging him see how remorseful about it he really is.  “The worst part is that I was so focused on how other people saw me that it cost me you.”  His hand shook a little when he reached out and closed it over Jared’s.  “I was so wrong, Jay.  I know that now.  If I could take it back I would.  You’re the only one whose opinion of me I give a damn about anymore.”

Jared averted his eyes and Jensen was half-afraid that he was going to pull away until he felt Jared’s thumb stroke over the back of his hand.  The touch was light, just like it had been all those years ago at the club, but its effect on Jensen was just as strong as it ever was.  He felt his heart knock hard against his ribcage in response. 

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Jared said a little sadly.  “Forgiveness?”  He glanced up, staring into Jensen’s eyes.  He was close enough that Jensen could see the kaleidoscope shades of hazel he remembered so well.  “I forgive you.  Honestly…I did a long time ago, for the most part.  I tried not to.  I really did.  I tried to hate you at first but it just didn’t stick.”

Jensen felt such a surge of relief that it almost made him dizzy.  “You mean it?”

“Yeah.”  Jared shrugged his shoulders self-consciously and looked down at the freckles on the back of Jensen’s hand.  “Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind that I should have been more understanding.  It’s not like I haven’t done my own share of lying.  My situation isn’t all that different from yours.  Sure, when I’m dating a woman I can be public about it.  It makes a lot of things easier.  But the whole time I was with you I was lying to people too, if only by omission.  I just don’t want to live like that anymore,” he added with regret.  “I can’t.”

“So what, you’re just never going to let yourself be with another guy?” Jensen asked incredulously.  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“No.”  Then Jared did pull his hand away and shifted in his chair, putting a measure of purposeful distance between them.  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking too.  And what I’ve decided is that I think it’s high time the NFL started to get with the times so people like us don’t have to make these kind of choices.  I’ve talked it over with my family and I’m planning on coming out at the end of this season.”

It felt as if all the air in Jensen’s lungs got knocked out of him.  He slumped back in his chair, utterly speechless.

“Someone has to be the first.”  Jared said it like a mantra he repeated to himself often.  “Why not me?”

“Were you going to tell me about this or were you going to let me find out on the six o’clock news like everyone else?”  Jensen couldn’t help the edge that bit into his tone.

Jared stiffened a little in defense.  “I was going to have Richard give your agent a head’s up just in case anyone came to you with questions.  I wanted you to be prepared just in case but I didn’t – _I don’t_ plan on giving any specifics about my past.  Especially about you.  I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said, dragging a hand down his face.  “You just caught me a little off guard here.  Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes.  I’m sure.”  Jared insisted.  “I’m going into this with my eyes open, Jen.  I know this might be it for me with football.  I hope to God it’s not, but I’m not going to sacrifice my whole life’s happiness for a game that’s just going to drop me anyway as soon as I’m either too injured or too old to play anymore.  I want more than that.”

Jensen nodded his head slowly but his mind was spinning like a top.  He understood everything that Jared was saying and he respected it more than he could begin to say.  Jared was getting ready to take on the one thing that Jensen had always been scared of for essentially his entire adult life.  It would mean that his life would never be the same again.

“You know there’s no coming back from this kind of thing,” he said.  “You can’t unring that bell.”

“I know,” Jared replied.  “I don’t care.  I’m ready for it.”

 Jared would have the attention of the entire world on focused on him as the first outwardly gay player in the NFL.  With all of that frenzy buzzing around him, all of his relationships - no matter how innocent they were, would be put up for public scrutiny.  The smartest thing that Jensen could do would be to distance himself from it all so that no one would start tossing questions his way. 

Unless Jensen had the courage to take the leap too.

It was a Hail Mary move.  He’d been carrying the weight of this secret for so long that just thinking of finally letting it go was terrifying.  It might mean he would be out of a job.  Out of pro-football forever.  And even then he still might be out on that limb all by himself.  He had no guarantee that things would work out between him and Jared, as friends or as anything more. 

Knowing all that, he weighed the odds against him and considered what he could be passing up if he didn’t at least try.  It wasn’t like it had been all those years before.  He had his brother and his sister behind him now and he knew that no matter what happened he’d at least have their support.  He wanted to be happy – finally really happy.  Life was just too damn short to settle for anything less.  If Jared had the courage to do it then he could do it too. 

“You’re right,” Jensen said.

“I’m right?” Jared parroted back skeptically.  “What do you mean I’m right?”

“What you said about wanting something more.  And about sacrifice.  I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing for a really long time.”

Jared gave him a sobering look.  “I know you have.  Aren’t you tired of it?”

Jensen nodded, not fully trusting his voice not to waver.   He cleared his throat roughly.  “Yeah I am.  This game…it’s cost me a lot.  But I always thought it was worth it, you know?  Until now.  I’ve given enough.”  He dug into his pocket for his cellphone.  “Too damn much.”

Jared looked surprised for a second and then shot him an irritated look.  “Really?  You’re going to make a call _now_?”

Jensen ignored him and flipped through his contacts for his agent’s number.  If he let himself think about it anymore he was going to chicken out.

Mark picked up on the second ring.  “Ackles.  How is my favorite client this evening?”

“About to be your least favorite client, I think.  I need you to put together a press statement.”

“What are you doing?” Jared asked him nervously.

“Fucking hell,” Mark groaned through the line.  “Well, knowing you it’s not a girl.  Just tell me that it isn’t drugs or guns.  I’d like to think you’re above falling into one of those sad old NFL clichés.” 

Jensen made eye contact with Jared and held it even as Jared fidgeted a little uncomfortably under the intensity of his gaze.  Keeping his eyes on Jared helped give him that little extra bit of courage to do what needed to be done.  “None of the above,” he told Mark.  “You and I have been playing cat and mouse with the truth about me for long enough.  I’m gay, Mark.  You’re a smart guy.  I’m sure you’re just as tired of playing dumb about it as I am.”  He watched as Jared went pale and his eyes widened with shock.  “It’s time, Mark,” Jensen said flatly.  “It’s time to go public with it.”

A litany of curses flowed out of Mark that was truly impressive with absolutely no regard for sentence structure or the practical limitations of the human body.  Jensen was pretty sure that a good chunk of the words he was using he invented on the spot.

“Jensen!  Hold on now, just wait a second!” Jared exclaimed.  “You need to think about this!”

Jensen held his hand over the phone’s receiver while Mark continued his rant.  “I know what I’m doing,” he replied calmly.

“Do you?  Don’t tell me it’s a coincidence you just decided to do this after what I just told you.”  Jared was frantic, close to shouting at him now.  “I didn’t ask you to do that!”

“You didn’t,” he agreed.  “You wouldn’t.  Which is one of the reasons why I love you.  But what I’m doing right now – what I’m _going_ to do – is for me.  I should have done it a long time ago.”

Jared was staring at him completely flabbergasted like he was trying to come up with an appropriate response and coming up empty.  He got up and crossed to the mini-bar where he made himself a drink with shaky hands.  Jensen noticed it only because he’d never once seen those hands fail under pressure before.

He didn’t dwell on it for more than a second before he realized that the voice shouting through his phone had gone quiet.  He went back to his call to try and talk his agent off the ledge.  “Mark?  You still with me, buddy?”

After a beat of silence, Mark answered him sounding much calmer.  “I have to say darling, you are a great many things, but you’re definitely not boring.”

“Are we okay then?”

“We’re okay,” Mark assured him wearily.  “You’re going to pay me an obscene amount of money to handle the media shitstorm this little bomb of yours is going to generate, but as far as I’m concerned you and I are okay.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”  Jensen smiled and something in his chest unclenched a little.  He and Mark didn’t have what he’d necessarily call a _friendship_ but the cantankerous Brit was one person that had always stuck by his side and those people were few and far between in his life.  “I’ve got to go.  We’ll talk soon and work out all the details before we send out the statement.  I should probably tell my family what’s going on before their friends and neighbors find out on Good Morning America.”

“I think that would be best,” Marks commented dryly.  “I’m going to go take a very strong sedative now and go to bed.”

“Okay,” Jensen laughed.  “Night, Mark.”  He hung up the phone feeling an adrenaline high like a BASE jumper in freefall.  It could very well be that when it was all over he’d be just a large stain on the pavement but for the moment he felt freer than he had in a very long time.

He stood and turned to Jared who was sitting on the edge of the bed with a half empty glass dangling from his fingertips of what looks to be straight vodka.  He was staring at Jensen but his expression was unreadable. 

Jensen hoped he hadn’t inadvertently fucked things up even worse when he’d been hoping to make it right.  “I’m not trying to steal your thunder, Jay,” he said, holding his palms out in a gesture of truce.  “I’ll wait until after you announce.  You should be the first.  I want you to have your moment.  You deserve it.”

“Did you mean it?” Jared asked softly, his voice sounding like a thin scrap of hope stretched over too much worry.

“Yes,” Jensen responded adamantly.  “I’m not going to back out of this now.”

“Not the press statement.”

“Oh.”  Jensen narrowed his eyebrows in confusion.  “I don’t understand then.”

“You said you love me,” Jared clarified.  “Present tense.”  He repeated himself, drawing out each word slowly like it’s its own question.  “Did.  You.  Mean.  It?”

Jensen could hear his blood rushing in his ears.  He had no defense for the way Jared’s quiet intensity was stripping him raw and he didn’t want any.  “Yes.  I meant it.”

Jared’s eyes were dark and fixed on Jensen when he downed the last of his drink in one gulp.  “Okay then,” he said with forced calm, setting the empty glass on the carpet.  “Where do we go from here?”

The question brought Jensen right back to that moment in the elevator all those years ago.  So much had happened since but there they were skirting the edge of Fate, both of them waiting for the other to jump first. 

Jensen swallowed hard and took the lead.  “I don’t know.”

He went over to Jared and took a knee at his feet.  “I don’t know what’s going to happen after the shit hits the fan with all this but for the time being I have a few days before anyone will miss me.  I’d really like to spend them with you.”

Jared’s expression softened a bit.  He bit his lip and Jensen could almost see his walls start to come down before Jared averted his eyes again somewhat anxiously.  “How far of a drive is it to Pittsburgh again?”

“About six hours.”  Cautiously, Jensen put his hands on the top of Jared’s knees, gauging for any sign that his touch was unwelcome.  “Barely an hour in the air if I take a flight.”

Jared didn’t flinch and he didn’t shift away.  “That’s not too far.”

“Not too far at all,” Jensen agreed.  “Close enough that I could get here at least once a week when the team isn’t on the road.  More once the season is over.”  His fingers shifted up the dark denim covering Jared’s thighs an inch and gently squeezed the firm muscle underneath.  “I wouldn’t mind racking up the extra miles…especially if I had a really good reason to come.”

He might have been pushing his luck and he was ready to back off if that’s what Jared needed, He’d settle for just being friends if he had to.  Lord knows that Jared was going to need all the support he could get in a few weeks.  But he couldn’t resist the urge to know for sure whether or not Jared still wanted him. 

Jared cracked a slight smile and rolled his eyes.  “Real subtle.”

It wasn’t quite a brush off but it was enough of an evasion that Jensen balked immediately, hyperaware of making Jared uncomfortable.  “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he apologized earnestly, holding up his hands in surrender.  “Just tell me what you want, Jay.  Anything you need me to be, whatever that looks like, I want to be it.”

Maybe it was his honest plea that finally got under Jared’s defenses or maybe Jared’s habit of being his shoulder to lean on was too deeply ingrained to ignore the painful vulnerability in Jensen’s eyes.  Whatever it was that made him give at last, Jared went with it. 

“C’mere, you asshole.”  He grabbed Jensen’s wrists and yanked him closer, catching him a bit off balance so that Jensen half-stumbled on his knees and lurched forward into the space between Jared’s thighs.

Before Jensen could even completely right himself he felt two huge hands grab the sides of his face and the fierce crush of warm lips against his.  It was a bruising kiss, punishment as much as passion.  Jensen took it, steadying himself with his hands on Jared’s broad chest as Jared’s tongue dove into his mouth and the higher functioning parts of his brain melted away into nothing. 

The desire he felt like a distant pull whenever he was near Jared struck him like haymaker to his solar plexus.  He felt his cock harden, straining up against his zipper.  Jensen pressed himself in tighter against the heat of Jared’s body and felt the long hard length of him nudging against his stomach.

Jared let out a small moan, half-swallowed by the firm slide of Jensen’s lips and tongue and it made Jensen lose his mind just a little.

He ripped open Jared’s shirt, buttons ricocheting in all directions.

“Hey!  I liked that shirt,” Jared squawked.

“I’ll buy you ten.” 

Jensen shoved Jared back so that his upper body landed flat on the bed with a slight bounce of the mattress and then clamored up from where he knelt on the floor between Jared’s thighs to straddle his lap.  He captured Jared in a kiss once more, effectively shutting him up at least for the moment.  Jensen took control this time, fucking his tongue into the sweet wet depths of Jared’s mouth until the other man was gripping him hard and writhing shameless beneath him.  It was only then that he crawled down the line of Jared’s body to lay claim to one tightly budded nipple.  Jared gasped and arched against him, just like Jensen always remembered him doing.  Nice to know that some things hadn’t changed after all.

“Missed you.  Missed you so much,” he muttered in between kisses that trailed down down down the taught muscles of Jared’s body.  It had been years since he’d had Jared splayed out naked underneath him and he didn’t want to wait a second longer than necessary to have him that way again.  Tracing the contours of Jared’s stomach and the spur of Jared’s right hip with his tongue, Jensen fumbled with layer after layer of expensively tailored cloth until Jared was laid bare for him like an offering.  Greedily he took hold of Jared’s erect cock began lavishing it with attention, stroking, licking, and sucking wet kisses up and down his shaft.  Finally he took the length of it in his mouth, relearning the weight of it and the taste of it on his tongue.

Jared moaned and gripped the bedcovers in his fists, making quick aborted movements of his hips.  His mouth hung open, bitten pink and shiny from their kisses to match the flush of arousal that traveled from the apples of his cheeks to the base of his neck.  He was completely lost in pleasure and nothing short of absolutely stunning.

Jensen reveled in the feel of the huge member in his mouth, the breathy moans, and the obscene slurping noises that filled the room as he went to work making Jared fall apart.  Every little tricked he learned in all the time they’d been together was put to use.  He could sense Jared’s movements on the bed getting more and more desperate, and he figured that he must be getting close.  That’s why it came as such as surprise to him when he felt something hard and plastic knock insistently against the top of his head.  He looked up, wiping spit and precome from his chin to find that it was a bottle of lube. 

Jared was staring back at him looking wrecked.  In his hand was the lube and a condom.  The nightstand drawer was slightly ajar.  Jensen had been so preoccupied he’d never even heard it open.  “Earth to Jensen,” he said, his words a little slurred with lust.  “Jesus Christ.  I must have said your name like five times.  Come on, let’s get this show on the road.”

“Huh?”  Jensen’s brain was having trouble keeping up.  “Oh.  You want…I didn’t think.  I mean, I was just going to, you know.”  Wow, he wasn’t making any sense was he?  He had no intention of pushing straight into full-on sex with Jared so fast.  He was more than content just to suck him off.  Not that he would ever turn down more if the offer was on the table.  He was over the moon that he was even getting a seat at the table.

Luckily, Jared seemed to understand his rambling and he smirked, leaning up slightly on his elbows.  “Yes.  I want.  Now for fuck’s sake will you please get naked already?”

Jensen frowned in confusion and looked down at himself.  Shit.  He was still fully dressed.  He had to remedy this situation immediately.

Jared threw back his head and laughed as Jensen practically shot up from the bed and wriggled out of his clothes, sending his shoes thunking across the floor and his balled up boxer briefs careening into the hotel curtains with a soft thump.  “Come on, Ackles.  Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!” he chanted at him teasingly.

Jensen locked eyes with him and took his own cock in his hand, hard enough by now to cut diamonds.  He stroked it slowly, teasing Jared back but in a whole different way.  “You want it or not?  Cause this right here feels pretty damn good.  Maybe I’ll just keep…ngh.”  His words broke off into a grunt of pleasure as he squeezed a little harder on the next upstroke, milking a clear bead of precome out of his slit.

The amusement gleaming in Jared’s eyes vanished, turning into raw need.  “Fuck.  Please, Jen.”

Jensen advanced on him, sinking down on to the bed between Jared’s splayed open legs.  He took the lube and the condom from him and flipped the cap open on the bottle.  “Well, since you asked so nicely.”

He slicked up two fingers and reached down to rub over Jared’s hole, pressing into the small ring of muscle.  Jensen was shocked to find how tight he was.  “Fuck, baby.  Has it really been that long?”

Jared winced a little and huffed out a tense breath.  “Too long.”

Jensen slowed his movements and drizzled some more lube onto his fingers, opening Jared up as gently as he could.  “Those little girls you’ve been dating,” he said, his voice dipping low and dirty, “They ain’t giving you what you need are they?  Not like I can.”

Jared ground against his fingers, shaking his head in a loose approximation of “no”.

“It’s okay.  I’m here now.”

Scissoring his fingers and twisting them around to rub over Jared’s prostate, it wasn’t long before Jensen had him sweating and grabbing the back of his knees, holding himself open for more.  When he worked in a third finger, Jared bucked hard on the bed and barely missed kicking him in the face.

“I swear to God if you don’t fuck me soon I’m going to come and then I’m going to kick your ass,” Jared warned.

“Just as bossy as ever,” Jensen grinned wolfishly, grabbing for the condom.  “Alright, alright.  I’ve got you.”

He was painfully hard himself with all the attention he’d put into getting Jared ready so he had to squeeze the base of his cock hard to calm down enough just to get the damn thing on.  Finally, he lowered himself over Jared, pressing his chest against the back of those long tan thighs as he lined them up.  Jared was nearly bent in half beneath him, his mouth close enough to kiss, which was just what Jensen did as he sunk his cock in to that devastating slick heat. 

Jared moaned into the kiss as Jensen split him open, clutching at Jensen’s shoulders and digging his fingertips into the hard muscles beneath them.

Jensen felt all the blood left in his head pool thick and heavy into his groin.  Instinct took over, curling his hips up and in as he pistoned them in short deep thrusts.  In the position they were in his cock was able to glide over Jared’s sweet spot again and again in a relentless rhythm. 

Jared was gone.  In his place was a wild thing, clawing at the pillow behind his head and chanting Jensen’s name in between desperate little cries of “ah! ah! ah!”  Jared had always been a loud one in bed and holy fuck it was so hot to hear it again now, how crazy out of his mind Jensen was able to drive him when they were like this.  He wanted to fall into Jared like a pool of warm water and never resurface.

Jared’s inner muscles clenched and fluttered around him, milking Jensen’s cock as he fucked into him with abandon.  His orgasm was winding tight in his gut like a coiled spring ready to let fly.  By the feel of Jared’s body and the nearly pained noises he was making he was feeling it too.

Jensen grabbed Jared’s cock, swollen red and leaking profusely between them.  He stroked it roughly, murmuring words of adoration and pledges of love that he’d never repeat in his right mind even though he meant every single one.  Barely seconds later, Jared was coming with a shout, his body convulsing and rocking mindlessly against Jensen’s as his come splashed over his own chest and belly.

Watching Jared lose it, flying apart at the seams because of him, pushed Jensen right over the edge.  His hips pounded forward artlessly as Jared clamped down all around him.  His cock throbbed and his vision blacked out as he came harder than he had in a long long time.  He might have groaned, he might have screamed Jared’s name.  There was no way of telling over the thunder of his own heartbeat in his ears.

When he came to, his cheek was plastered to Jared’s chest with sweat.  At least he hoped it was sweat.  He honestly didn’t care.  He was still buried in Jared’s ass and he wasn’t planning on moving anytime soon.

“Jen?  You okay?”  Jared’s voice rumbled through his ribcage under Jensen’s ear.

“I don’t know.  I feel like I just took a sack from Lawrence Taylor.”

Another rumble of laughter shook the human pillow beneath his head and large hands starting rubbing his back affectionately.   “You really should be careful, old man.  You know what the doctors told you about avoiding any more injuries,” Jared joked, dropping a kiss to the top of Jensen’s head.

Jensen lifted his head, peeling his face from Jared’s skin with a slight grimace.  He planted his chin in the dip of Jared’s sternum and looked up at him with the arch of one eyebrow.  “Old man?  This _old man_ just fucked your brains out, baby.  Lest you forget.”  He punctuated his point with a shallow hump of his pelvis.  His cock, now mostly soft, gave a half-hearted twitch.  It was a valiant bluff at best.  Thirty-five wasn’t old but it also wasn’t like when he was twenty-five and might have been able to make good on that threat.

Jared let out a little pleased noise and rolled them over, letting Jensen’s cock slip free.  He carded his fingered through Jensen’s short sweat-damp hair.  “My short-term memory works just fine thanks,” he said, starting down at him lovingly.  “It’s yours I’m worried about, old timer.”

Jensen reached down and pulled off the condom, tying it off and tossing it lazily in the general direction of the open bathroom door.  Then he wrapped his arms around Jared, cradling the back of his head in his hands as he kissed him long and slow, the wet sounds of their tongues and lips stoking the fire between them back to a warm glow.  When he broke the kiss, Jared’s hazel eyes were dark and unfocused.  Maybe round two wasn’t that far off after all.

“I like you worrying about me,” he whispered, nuzzling into the side of Jared’s neck.  “It means I’m doing something right.”  He kissed his way up to the bolt of Jared’s jaw and nipped lightly at the delicate skin of his earlobe.  “How about next time we fuck I promise I’ll wear a helmet?”

Jared’s low hum of pleasure trailed off into a chuckle.  “Sexy.”

Jensen pulled back, catching Jared’s gaze with a serious look this time.  He felt like they were on the same page here but he’d felt that way once before and he’d been proven wrong.  No more running on blind hope and a prayer that it would all work itself out.  If he’d learned anything from the past two years without Jared it was that sometimes to get what you really want you need to put your heart on the line. 

“There’s going to be a next time, right?” he asked.  “Not right now, I mean, not _just_ right now.  Next time as in next month and next year and however long you can still stand me after that.  This is more than just a few days in a hotel here and there for me.  This is…this is _it_.”

Jensen held his breath as Jared’s eyes searched over his face.  They were both naked, covered in each other’s sweat and come, but it wasn’t until that moment that he felt so completely vulnerable.

Mercifully, Jared didn’t make him wait like that for long.  “There’s going to be a next time,” he said, cupping the side of Jensen’s face.  “There’s going to be a lot of next times.  Until you really are an old man and I’m a slightly younger old man.”  He leaned down, pressing a soft reverent kiss to Jensen’s lips.  “This is it.”

Jensen’s grin was bright enough to rival the sun.  He was so radiantly happy he wouldn’t be surprised if there were actual beams of light shooting out of his fingertips and the ends of his hair. 

Jared tucked his head under Jensen’s chin and draped all six foot four of himself over Jensen’s body, clinging to him like a giant cuddly gorilla.  He was sticky, stank of sex, and his bulk was a slowly crushing weight but Jensen hugged him right back anyway. 

He didn’t know what he’d ever done in his life to deserve the gift of this impossibly beautiful and big-hearted man but he was never going to let him go again.

~the end~


End file.
